Time Heals Everything
by Ladybug-Jojo
Summary: Okay story based on a dream I once had combined it with a story idea I after re-watching 1.16 where Peter mentioned Alicia had and IUD and she said she had it removed. Angsty very angsty...


_Okay __this __comes __from __a __dream __I __had. __The __dream __was __really __fluffy __and __sweet, __but __I __kinda __felt __like __writing __something __with __a __sad __part __in __this __time __so __I __ended __up __combining __it __with __a __story __idea __I __have __had __for __a __month __now __ever __since __re-watching __1.16 __where __Peter __mentioned __Alicia __had __and __IUD __and __she __said __she __had __it __removed, __this __combined __with __something __I __leaned __in __the __Private __Practice __season __6 __premiere. __Oh __and __it __is __set __after __4.06. __I __wrote __it __really __long __time __ago __but __I __was __always __scared __to __post __it __because __of __how __sad __it __was. __Also __it __is __AU __as __it __does __not __follow __canon __after __4x06 __and __I __really __can't __see __the __Kings __giving __AP __this __angsty __story__line __you __are __about __to __read. Thank you to Chrissi for beta'ing it!  
_

_I __don't __own __the __good __wife._

**Time heals everything**

Alicia let out another deep breath, she had no idea how long Peter had been quizzing her so far, but she guessed about an hour. When he first showed up asking her to please tell him, what she could have told Maddie, that could possible be used from her now she had gotten into the race as the opponent. Alicia had been very close to answer there was no way, she would tell him that, but he had guessed her answer, before she even said the words, and asked her if she felt more comfortable having someone else debrief her, while raising an eyebrow at her. And he had her there, it would not be half as bad telling him than some 3rd person who might leak it to the press if he or she was paid enough. So she had let him in. Hoping not to wake the kids, since she had sent them to bed a little before he came over, she asked him to talk in her bedroom. It was however getting late and she felt they kept going over the same things again and again.

She briefly wondered if he had been the same way with victims in cases in the past when he was still a prosecutor, repeating everything and covering it twice to make sure he hadn't missed anything. The thought of that made her smile lightly. However she probably shouldn't have as Peter caught her smile.

"Alicia, please I need you to remember if you have told her anything else, anything personal, anything family related, anything at all? Anything about the kids, mom or you, that will hurt us. You haven't shared college memories with her? Have you?" He asked.

She started to be a little annoyed by his probing questions. She knew why he was doing it, and that it wasn't for himself as much as for her and importantly the kids because if it came out it might hurt the election but those that would be most hurt yet again would be the kids, and he knew if she having shared secrets with Maddie, hurt the kids she would never forgive herself. Still exposing everything she had told Maddie over drinks and dinners as a friend was more than a little difficult, especially to him. After all some of the things she knew would hurt him deeply, and she had seen him flinch more than once, because of what she told him. Still he didn't give up but kept probing her for more details, more things she might have shared. But she was getting annoyed, that he kept going, first of all it was exposing but more than that it felt weirdly intimate having him question her like this.

He was not really hard with her. He was probing but careful and caring. But it made her feel things she didn't like to be feeling at all. Maybe it was because they finally talked, that she finally got to tell him a lot of what her feelings related to them and he didn't judge or argue with her, he just took it, maybe it was because his probing gaze that fixed on her from time to time send shivers down her spine or maybe it was a combination of it all.

However truth of the matter was, she was getting more than a little turned on, and that scared her, because she was not sure how much longer she could resist pulling him down to her on the bed and say screw it all, all her hesitation of getting real close to him again. She had kissed him a few times lately and enjoyed it a lot more than she liked to admit. She had also spend more and more time with him. They talked regularly, they tried to not hide or shield things from the other related to the campaign, and she had been helping him with stuff related to it. They were close, but friendly close. Though she guessed the few kisses they had shared would say otherwise. Still they had not done anything else and as soon as light kissing turned into something more, she had pulled back and turned away.

However she had been careful lately, knowing being alone with him was getting harder and harder to handle for her. She knew he was letting her set the pace for whatever was to happen between them, and he had not even pressed her on what the occasional kisses meant. But she knew he wondered what she wanted and how much longer she would play this game of push and pull. But now in her bedroom with him looking at her like THAT, her skin burnt and she felt almost feverish from the need pooling within her. Her stomach was tightening in anticipation, and nerves, and her panties were already a little damp.

"No, I didn't tell her about my college days. Though it is not as I have any secrets from those really. I don't think there is anything else I told her." She finally said, though she knew there was one thing, she had shared with Maddie that she would need to tell Peter, before Maddie told it to the press. However she couldn't do that now, because she had no idea how she would ever be able to tell him about that at all. He nodded at her and finally let out a deep breath. She smiled softly as she realized she was not the only one getting drained by this.

"Good, thank you Alicia... for... you know being open with me." He told her as their gaze met once again. She nodded softly felling her cheeks burn as his soft gaze made her felt intoxicated, and reminded her of when she was in high school having a crush on her gym teacher.

"Also I wanted to thank you for the help with Jackie." he started. Alicia broke eye-contact and closed her eyes for a moment. She need him not to stay in her bedroom any longer, and she couldn't have him start a new conversation about Jackie because if he was staying in here with her much longer she would give in. However it seemed as he didn't share her lines of thoughts, as she could hear him keep talking about Jackie: Something about how she had known a male nurse was needed.

_God__could__he__just__shut__up.__Damn__it._ Here she was lying on their old bed wearing a robe and a night slip, and she was turned on and burned for him with need, and he didn't seem to be leaving and he was talking about his mother, of everything possible. She opened her eyes and looked at him once more. She knew her eyes were burning and was sure he noticed right away as he stopped up mid sentence.

"Are you okay?" he asked confused. She let out a deep breath.

"No, Peter... I am not okay... you are in my bedroom. I am on the freaking bed wearing almost nothing and you continue to talk and talk, and you don't seem to be leaving."

He looked completely confused now. "You want me to leave?" He asked looking a little bit sad and hurt by her words, and she felt bad for the harsh way her words had come out.

"No, I wanted you to leave. Now I want to know, if you really want to be talking about Jackie while I am in bed, especially if I take this off." She opened her robe and shrugged out of it. She took in how he gulped nervously, and licked his lips.

She felt relief wash over her. She had feared he wouldn't find her attractive, sexy or desirable anymore, but the way she saw his gaze nervously run over her scantily clad body now in this moment told her another story. A story of his longing and desire for her, a story that confirmed that what she was feeling right now was not a one sided thing, a story of how he truly still loved and cared for her, and wanted her not just as a political active that helped his campaign but as a woman, a lover, a wife.

He gulped again, and took a deep breath, she could see his pupils were dilated slightly and his eyes had darken telling her of his deep desire.

"What do you mean?" He asked hesitantly, like he really couldn't believe what she was more than hinting. She wanted to roll her eyes at him, like her invitation wasn't clear enough, however instead she got off the bed and walked over to him, a light sway in her hips, making her intention even clearer. She rested her palms on his chest, and felt the spark, the one she had first felt between them on that first date as he held her hand and kissed her good night on the cheek outside her hotel on the warm summer night so many years ago, run through her, sending shivers down her back. She pressed him lightly backwards, while speaking softly and seductively.

"I mean if you really feel like continuing to speak about Jackie, or if you can't think of anything far more stimulating to be doing?" She asked as she pressed him backwards and downwards, so he was sitting on the edge of what once was their bed, and someday would be it again. She straddled his lap. He placed his hands on her waist cautiously, like he was still more than a little nervous to touch her, even though she had made her intentions more than clear.

"You can? What do you have in mind?" He asked her tenderly. She was glad he finally seemed to be getting in the game and taking her up on the playing.

"Oh I don't know... let me think!" She teased him. He raised an eyebrow at her. Now clearly telling her that what ever was about to happen would be on her terms, and she would be setting the pace of things.

"Yes I can... hmmm first you need to loose the tie, makes you seem so uptight." She told him mockingly as she loosened it for him and pulled it off, only to toss it behind her somewhere.

"Then you need to take off your shirt. You seem to be a little over dressed compared to me." She continued as she unbuttoned his shirt, before pushing it off his shoulders. He was still doing nothing but to stroke her sides lightly, and it was starting to annoy her a little especially then she heard his next words.

"Umm I think Jackie is flirting with the nurse." He gulped as he said it. She wondered briefly if Jackie was now what he tried to focus on to not loose control with her, in that case she needed him to shut up with the Jackie talk even more. First it was kind of a turn off for her, and they would never go any further if he kept this up.

She pressed on his chest, forcing him to lay back on the bed, as she followed him down. She held her self so there was only an inch of air between their lips.

"Peter... shut up with the Jackie talk because it is a mood killer." She told him before she pressed her lips against his in provocative kiss. She sighed, as she finally felt him throw caution out of the window and his hands moving over her back pulling her closer. Before he rolled them so he was on top of her. He pulled back for a moment she knew that the question in his eyes was about if this really was okay. She answered him by pulling him back down to her in another kiss.

* * *

Later on they rested in each others arms. Her head pillowed on his chest as he stroked her hair and bare shoulders softly.

"I love you." He told her tenderly. She could hear the sincerity in his voice, and she looked up at him meeting his gaze.

"I know..." She whispered back, before she reached in and kissed him lovingly. She knew now when she had taken this step with him she more than ever needed to tell him what she had held hidden way to long already, the thing that she in one drunken moment had told Maddie and she feared he would otherwise learn about from the front page of a newspaper one day soon.

"I did tell her something else..." She told him in a soft voice while avoiding his gaze.

"What are we talking about? Who did you tell something?" He asked her completely confused.

"Maddie. I told her something else." She whispered softly, as she turned to look at him again. She could feel that tears were already starting to beam in her eyes and she hated what she was about to tell him, especially right now after a moment this intimate. A moment that finally made her feel that they were them again, that they had a real chance of their marriage working out. After all she had no idea how he would take this. Not that it was her fault or he would ever blame her for it, but that she hadn't told him about it before. Would he ever forgive her for that? Or would he now blame her for the pain she was about to share with him, like she had blamed him for years for leaving her alone with it? And still blamed him a little, though she was finally healing. She reached in and kissed him one more time.

"Okay Alicia you are staring to scare me... what did you tell Maddie? What is making you this sad."

He stroke her cheek softly.

"I was pregnant." She whispered softly, looking away, not sure she could stand to see the shock she knew would be written on his face. "4½ years ago I was pregnant." She said knowing he was already wondering when and how and from whom.

"I was pregnant Peter and I lost our child." She looked right at him with those words, as her tears started to spill.

His face was ashen white in shock and fear, and she had no idea how he was conscious enough to pull her back in and press her face into his neck so she could cry against him, just like she had wished she could all of those years ago. Then she had not even been able to stand the thought of telling him in the first place, but had still longed for him to take her pain away.

He held her close and stroked her hair, she looked up at him at one point and saw he had tears running down his cheeks as well. He pulled her back in and continued to hold her. She wasn't sure how long they had been like this before she braved speaking again. She knew she needed to tell him the whole thing about what had happened and why she had never told him before.

"I didn't find out until after the scandal broke, actually not until more than 2 months after it broke."

She told him softly, still pressing her face into his neck, knowing she would never get through telling him this if she looked at him and saw the pain and sadness she knew would be coloring his face.

* * *

_Dr. Lewis came in and smiled at her, not completely one of those smiles of pity, she only seemed to be getting these days, but one that was a mix of pity and comfort. The doctor didn't even need to tell her what the result of her blood work was, the pity and comfort smile already confirmed what she already knew, due to the test she took 2 days before at home. She really was pregnant again, even though she had an IUD._

_The irony in this was huge, if it had been a year ago, even a half year ago or 3 months ago she would have been overly excited by the prospect of this new, though unplanned life growing in her. However now... now when she learned the truth of what she thought was her perfect life and marriage this was in many ways just a further complication._

_Of course she loved the thought of her unborn child, but at the same time she had no idea what kind of life she would be bringing him or her into. Her marriage was a sham, and she could pretty well risk there was some other woman out there carrying Peter's child as well at the moment. She also knew she wouldn't be able to stay in the house, it had been put up for sale a week ago, and with Peter's trial approaching fast, where they both knew there was a huge chance he would end up getting convicted no matter what._

_The world this child would be brought in to was a hell at the moment. It was not the loving family they had seemed to be for 15 years, and been for many of them as well. It was not the safety and love Zach and Grace had been born into. This new world she now was a part of was full of chaos, pain, tears, hurt feelings and lost dreams of what had been an reality not so long ago._

_Yet she moved her hand to her still flat abdomen when she saw the doctor's gaze, protecting the innocent life in her. A life that could very well have been conceived the very night before her life turned into a nightmare. A life conceived of love, at least from her side, she was not sure anymore what her husband supposedly felt for her that night._

_"I am pregnant, right?" She asked Dr. Lewis in a soft whisper. The woman in front of her nodded as she sat down on the chair facing Alicia the whole time._

_"Yes, you are..." She let out a deep breath. " I need to inform you of your options."She continued, but Alicia shook her head._

_"I know my options, thank you. I am not a teenager, I already have two kids. What I would like to know is how. Why didn't the IUD work as it should?" Okay that might sound dumb of course she was already well informed and knew no form for protection was 100% safe ever. Still she asked because that was something she could concentrate on, something she didn't need to take a stand on, didn't need to think on her own feelings to, unlike everything else._

_How would she deal with this child how would she tell Zach and Grace about it or Peter for that matter. It was not as she spoke to him much ever since everything broke out and he had first told her it wasn't true only to have the damn sex tape leaked a few days later and the name Amber Madison showing up, confirming that it was indeed true, very true actually._

_She had not spoken to him on anything remotely personal ever since. Of course he had tried to apologize, to explain. But she didn't want to hear them and left most of the time. What she agreed to listen somewhat to was the conversations on his trial. Those she was able to deal with somewhat knowing she needed to be informed because of the kids. And now she would need to tell him she was actually unexpectedly pregnant on top of everything._

_Something the press would eat up the moment they found out. Maybe they already knew and were ready to leak it. She suddenly realized that Dr. Lewis was actually speaking and explaining to her how it could have happened anyway._

_"Mrs. Florrick I know this might seem surprising and hard but I do need to inform you on your choices and not the normal ones. What I need to talk to you about is the fact that you have an IUD, and are pregnant with the IUD still in place. First we need to find out if its indeed a viable pregnancy." She told her carefully, giving Alicia time to let the words sink in._

_"Viable?" Alicia whispered softly realizing what that word meant, she had not even thought of that. That maybe she might not even be able to have this child._

_"Yes, the problem is that the IUD expand the chances of the pregnancy being ectopic. I would like to do an ultrasound already today to find out if that is the case as you will then need to have it removed as soon as possible, to not risk anything rupturing." Alicia felt slightly nauseous, she might need to have an abortion not because she wanted to but because... no that was too hard to even imagine._

_"It is not the only issue we need to deal with. If it is not ectopic, we will need to decide, if your IUD should be removed. We normally recommend having it removed, as if you don't it will heighten the chances of miscarriage, and later pregnancy complications such as premature birth or the IUD hurting the fetus in someway. However the problem is that with removing the IUD there is also a heighten risk of miscarrying due to the removal."Alicia was now really wondering if she might vomit right now._

_What the doctor was pretty much telling her was that her child had so many chances of being screwed, no matter what she did, was it really some higher power playing some twisted game with her right now, thinking that dealing with Peter's scandal was not enough she needed to also deal with this on top of everything._

_She suddenly hated Peter, more than ever if it had only been 3 months ago he would have been here with her, holding her hand, comforting her as she took this in, telling her everything would be alright and that in 7 months they would have a perfectly healthy baby, even against all the odds of everything going wrong._

_Why had he cheated on her? She wondered once again. Was she really that unattractive to him, that he had to seek out prostitutes? It hurt and really if that was the truth why had he made love to her, or maybe she should call it had sex with her or fucked her at all, and put her into this mess she now needed to face alone._

_She let out a deep breath knowing she needed to focus on her children, Zach and Grace at home and this new one, if there was anything to be done to save it, she would need to do it. Everything she had left to give these days belonged to her kids and her unborn child was included no matter the bad timing and trouble it brought along._

_"Okay I understand." She answered. Dr. Lewis nodded at her._

_"Do you have enough time so we can do it now?" She asked Alicia, who just nodded softly in reply._

* * *

_Alicia stared up in the white painted ceiling as she lay there with the Dr. Lewis doing the ultrasound. She avoided looking at the screen if her pregnancy turned out to be ectopic she preferred not see her baby ever, because she knew the bond to the little one inside her would only be stronger with the sight of an image, even if it was in black and white and could hardly be called a baby yet._

_"Good news, it is not ectopic. And it seems as you are 10 weeks along, which is great it means I can still remove your IUD. It would not be safe to do that if you were too far along." Alicia smiled for the first time after hearing the news of her pregnancy being confirmed. And carefully she looked over at the screen seeing, what she new was her baby. The image reminded her of seeing those of Zach and Grace for the first time. She reached out her hand and carefully touched the screen. That was her baby. She had been right she already loved the little life a little bit more now having seen a picture of it._

_"Do you want me to remove the IUD now as well, while you are here?" Dr. Lewis asked Alicia carefully after letting her have a few minutes just looking at the screen and telling her where the heartbeat was. Alicia nodded, she might as well get that done too. Once again she felt a pang in her heart. Peter was supposed to be here with her for these moments, holding her as they learned that they really were having another child. Seeing the new addition to their family for the first time, and holding her hand now when she would be having the IUD removed._

_She closed her eyes, Dr. Lewis didn't have the ultrasound on anyway, as she had already located where the IUD was. Alicia was not sure she would have been wanting to watch the ultrasound even if it was still on. She was scared as she knew this might kill her little one and she felt tears press against her eyelids as she felt Dr. Lewis carefully remove her IUD._

_"All done. There is no bleeding at the moment. You might rest a little and I will do another ultrasound." Alicia let out a deep breath, maybe everything would be alright and this was some higher power's reward to her for what they were otherwise putting her through, because though she had thought of it as mostly a further complication an hour ago, she now loved the little life inside her, and wanted to protect it._

* * *

_A few days later Alicia woke up and the pain in her abdomen was terrible but she was first not sure what was going on. She hadn't felt any complications since her doctor's appointment a few days before and she was more and more accepting that she really would be having another child. As well as preparing for how she was supposed to tell the kids and Peter. She hadn't wanted to tell them until a week had passed as that was what Dr. Lewis had told her was the time with the heightened risk for a miscarriage. She pulled back the covers and forced herself out of the bed. There was a couple of red stains on the sheets, confirming the fear that was slowly creeping into her mind. Still she went to the bathroom and confirmed she truly was bleeding. As she slid down on the floor she fought to hold her tears back. Not even this was allowed her in this nightmare her life had turned into._

* * *

_She was back in Dr. Lewis office for yet another ultrasound, this time she also knew, what she would be told with out the words being said yet. The only thing she could hope right now was that it had been a full miscarriage and she wouldn't need to have a D&C as well. She wasn't sure how she would be able to take it if she was forced through that as well. It had been hard enough, during the week that had passed since she woke up bleeding, to hide her tears and pain at home, and smile for the kids, and be there for them supporting them, and at the same time not let anything show._

_She guessed it was good her and Peter wasn't close in some way as he hadn't noticed her mood change, and that she wasn't feeling well or if he had she guessed he assumed it was because of the scandal because of the sex-tape they still played over and over on every local news station, or the extra interviews some made with his call girl._

_"Yes, Mrs. Florrick you did have a miscarriage. There is nothing left, I am sorry." Dr. Lewis said as she pulled away. Her voice was tender and caring, making Alicia even closer to tears._

_"I am going to need to do another blood test on you just as an extra check up." She said and Alicia could hear her walking around probably gathering the things she needed to draw the blood. She sat up slowly and waited. Dr. Lewis was gentle as she took her blood just like she had been with everything. She gave Alicia a half smile, clearly intending on making her feel better._

_"I will mark the blood work Jane Doe like I did the first time you came in, no need to risk anything getting out." She told Alicia. Alicia half smiled back, at least she tried to. Well that was a little bit of relief. Her newest pain would not easily be the stuff for the media, to have people sitting at home watching like it was another daytime soap opera and not a real humans life._

_Later on that night in her bathroom she broke down, sitting on the cold floor, this wasn't fair. And it wasn't fair that Peter wasn't there to share her pain._

* * *

Tears were still running down her cheeks and soaking Peter's shoulder. She hadn't stopped crying for one moment, since she started telling him about this. She wasn't sure why, but it felt like she couldn't stop.

Maybe it was because she never really let herself cry after everything that happened. The only time she really cried after the loss of her child was that night after the doctor's visit where her miscarriage was confirmed. She had known she couldn't cry otherwise, because if she started she might never stop. She had forced her thoughts to remember it was probably for the best anyway. After all she no longer had a stable family to offer her child. She no longer knew where they would live and how they would get by, and another child and a pregnancy really was just even more trouble.

She had hardened her heart, forced herself to only think of all the extra mess another child would have created. And when the pain of loosing that baby still grew too strong, she had blamed Peter. Added it to the rest of pain his "mistakes" had caused her. Blamed that his missteps meant that he wasn't there for her, to hold her and help her through it. That he hadn't been able to comfort and protect her in sickness as he had promised her, so long ago on their wedding day.

Her anger and blame at him for that was also why she had felt it was even harder getting close to him again, and stop being angry even though she could forgive him for the affairs, she wasn't sure she could forgive him for the consequences it had on them, on her, and on his ability to be there for her when she went through something like that and needed him the most.

That was why she might have let him back into the bedroom at that one point, but she still hadn't let him share it with her in a marital way at that time. She had been hurting, both because of his mistakes but it was easier to see that they could move past Amber and yeah Kalinda, than it was to see how they could move past what she really hated him for. Leaving her emotional alone like he had. It was why she was never really comfortable letting him in again, though she loved and cared for him, though the pain due to Amber subsided, it never really left because that pain was never less interwoven with her other pain, the secret pain she had held for herself for so long.

She had only told Maddie about it one night after lots of drinks and Maddie driving her home. Maddie had asked her once more if she wasn't sure her and Peter could ever get back together why she didn't leave him then. Her answer had been she still loved him deep down. Maddie had pressed and asked why she wasn't with him if that was the case. And in a moment of weakness and sadness she had let it slip that she could forgive him for his whores but she wasn't sure she could forgive him for not being there for her because of those whores as she had a miscarriage. Maddie had probed a little more and Alicia had told her a quick version of what had happened. Ironically saying it out loud though drunk and sad, had also helped her let it go, and move past it a little more for each day that had passed since.

Which was why she also started to feel it was getting harder and harder staying away from Peter physically and emotionally again, and why she had given into her desires tonight. And now here she was crying in his arms, finally letting the pain out and having him hold her as she wished they had been able to those years ago as it happened.

"Oh Alicia..." He stroked her hair, his voice whispering her name was so soft and caring. "I wish I had known." he told her softly as he continued to stroke her hair and back. "You went through so much alone, love. I should have been there."

She nodded against him, still not looking up. At least he wasn't angry like she feared he might be over her not telling him about it before. "Oh love, I wish you had told me. I... have you really been alone with this for all that time?" He asked her, waiting for her usually nod which he got once more. She could feel him tensing and flinching lightly.

"I'm so sorry Alicia... I don't know what to say. I wish I could go back and change everything. You shouldn't have been alone, honey. I screwed up so much and it seemed as you keep getting hurt by it. Alicia I don't know what I can do to make this up to you ever again." She felt more tears slip down her cheeks and unto his shoulder.

"Just... just hold me and never leave me alone again." She whispered, and as she said the words she realized that was what she needed. She, well they, could never really heal from this alone and apart, she needed him for it. And if he was there she would have a chance of healing completely someday, not today or tomorrow, but someday.

Even if Maddie told the whole world it would not matter as much as long as he was here now to help her dry her tears and stroke her hair. That was all that mattered, and someday they would get over it together, after all, time would heal this wound as well, like all the others they had between them.

Because at the end of the day he was her husband and soul-mate in every way and that was why she never completely let go of the thought of getting them back even with hurt, hate, pain, blame and every person she met and knew telling her she should divorce him and move on with her life.

* * *

_Okay __there __are __different __opinions __on __the __removal __of __IUD __while __pregnant, __the __research __I __did __said __it __was __supposed __to __happen, __also __it __is __set __like __4 __years __before __now __so... __anyway __it __was __mostly __based __on __PP __where __Addison __told __Charlotte __she __had __to __do __it..._


End file.
